Merry Clem-mas: A Clem Starr Christmas story (Clem Starr: Demon Fighter) Read online

  “You’re always sitting in the sun, feeding these ducks. It pays to be sun smart, especially at this time of year. So, I thought this hat would be good for you.”

  I put it on his head. I wasn’t sure if he liked it, but he grinned.

  “Clem, you are a much nicer person than you ever admit.”

  Yeah, most people didn’t realize that about me. I was a totally nice person. I just couldn’t fuss around with all that polite shit when I had work to do.

  “I have a problem,” I told him. “I have to get my boyfriend a Christmas present, and I have no idea what he wants. I should, right? I should know the perfect gift for him.”

  “You’re trying too hard,” the old man said. He looked at the ducks, floating around on the pond. “He’s not interested in material things. He wants a family. A family Christmas. And so do you.”

  I scoffed. I hated Christmas. That was facts.

  “Giving him a family Christmas is easy enough,” I said. “But I want something for him to unwrap on the day.”

  “Keep it simple. Keep it from the heart,” the old man said. “And tell him to be careful. Bad times are coming for vampires.”

  Chapter 9 Photo

  THE OLD MAN MIGHT’VE been a bit vague and waffly, but I did get a brilliant idea on the drive back to the lair. I just had to hope that Kisho wasn’t home. I guessed I could make sure of that.

  I called Nic.

  “Did you find a park?” I asked him.

  “Yes. No thanks to you.”

  “Hey, I don’t make the rules of the market. You break those rules, and you lose. Anyway, I need a favor. Are you home?”

  “Just walked in the door.”

  “Are all the pack there?”

  “Yep.”

  “Cool. Think of an errand to get Kisho out of the house. Like, you need milk or something a bit more complicated.”

  I heard him running water. He could stop with the water and just answer me.

  “You’ll owe me.”

  “Yeah, whatever. Tell the other guys to dress up pretty. You too.”

  Nic huffed. “I always dress pretty.”

  He wasn’t wrong about that. I hung up and rushed back to the lair.

  Nic was in the kitchen, trying to hide sweets in places where Kisho wouldn’t look. A box of mince pies sat on the counter. I popped one in my mouth.

  “Hey, that’s for Christmas.”

  “I need to test them. You don’t want us having shoddy mince pies for Christmas Day, do you?”

  “I’ve already tested them. They’re good.” He took one himself. “I might need to re-test, just in case.”

  “Are the guys ready?” I asked, then I walked out to the stairs. “Guys! Gather here.”

  They came downstairs, all looking swell.

  “Jeb,” I said. “I need a photo. A photo of all of us. Can you organize that? We’re on limited time until Kisho comes back.”

  “He might be out for a while. I told him to get some presents and take them to those street kids we saved from the Vampire King.”

  “Aww, Nic, that’s so sweet,” I said.

  And that would get Kisho out of the way for a long time. He’d take forever picking out the gifts.

  I rushed upstairs and got changed, then touched up my makeup. Nic came into my room and retouched my makeup.

  “I look fine. Stop fussing with me.”

  “You want to look pretty for the photos, don’t you?”

  I sighed and let him keep fussing.

  “Make me look like me, though. I don’t want to be all girlie-girlie.”

  “I got Vlad a present,” he said as he did my mascara. “I think he’ll come for Christmas.”

  I didn’t want to talk while Nic was doing that, but I really didn’t think Vlad would come.

  When we got back downstairs, I saw that Jeb had set up his camera on a tripod with one of those remote-control timer things. He’d opened the curtains in the living room and had set up the lights Nic used for filming his motivational videos.

  Luis had on a nifty blue bow tie, and Shelley was wearing a cravat. Andre had just put on a tight t-shirt that showed up his muscles, but it was a clean t-shirt, and I don’t think he owned anything fancier. Jeb wore a checked shirt, and Nic, of course, was totally overdone in a velvet vest and a ruffly white shirt. Nic had put a cute bow on Hellhound, too.

  We all got into position.

  “Nic, you get in the front because you’re shortest,” I said.

  “You’re shorter than me.”

  Nic grabbed my arm and we got in the front together, holding Hellhound in position.

  “Okay, smile,” Jeb said.

  I forced a grin.

  The camera clicked a few times. Then I rushed over to get a look at the shots. Ick. We all looked so stiff and boring.

  “Andre, you’re looking too surly. You’re supposed to smile,” I said.

  “I can’t help it. My face just goes like this.”

  “Well, make it not go like that. You think Kisho wants to see you looking surly for the rest of eternity? Think about sex. Yeah, like that. That’s perfect. Luis, adjust your bow tie. It’s a bit crooked. And Nic, you look a bit bloated.”

  “Show me those shots. There’s no way I look bloated.”

  Of course he didn’t look bloated. I couldn’t resist freaking him out, though.

  “Clem Starr, I might just kill you,” he said after checking the camera. “I look perfect.”

  “Yeah, you do,” I grinned, and we got back into position. “Andre, you think of sex again. Luis and Shelley, think of something… I dunno… something from Twilight. And Nic, you think about how awesome I am.”

  The camera clicked before we were ready. I yelled at Jeb for not warning us, and it clicked again. The session turned into a disaster with the pack getting distracted and everyone fidgeting.

  Hell, these photos were worse than the first lot. Andre grinned like a loon, Nic scowled at me and I had my face screwed up, yelling. Hellhound tried to run out of shot.

  “Let’s try this again,” I said.

  “Not possible,” Nic said. He had his phone out. “Kisho’s on his way back.”

  Hell. Would Kisho actually want such crappy photos? I went upstairs with Jeb so we could check out the photos on his computer screen. Maybe there’d be one redeemable one.

  “We’re not a photogenic lot, are we?” I said to him as we looked at the photos.

  “This one’s good.”

  “You think?”

  The one he had pointed out was the worst of the lot. Was Jeb crazy?

  “It’s the most natural. You don’t want everyone looking all stiff and posed. Check out Nic. The way he’s looking at you. Half annoyance and half lust.” Jeb laughed. “Meanwhile, you’re yelling at me. Shelley’s adjusting Luis’s bowtie, and it’s so obvious that Andre’s thinking about sex. It’s so real.”

  I looked again. Jeb had a point. That photo was the pack at their most natural.

  “Let’s print it out, and I’ll get a frame. Hopefully, Kisho will like it.”

  “He will,” Jeb said. “You have no idea what that guy was like when Nic first found him. Like a stray dog that had been kicked and beaten so much that he never trusted anyone. He’d have probably died in a gutter somewhere. He has a strong connection to the pack. To you, too.”

  Poor Kisho.

  Before I could even notice that Jeb had his camera pointed at me, I heard the click.

  “I wanted to capture that look on your face,” he said. “We should print this one out too.”

  I looked at the screen on the camera. I could see what he meant. It was a particularly good shot of me, all pensive-looking. The lighting made my skin look amazing, too.

  “Thanks, Jeb,” I said.

  He smiled. He really could be a nice guy sometimes.

  Chapter 10 Christmas Eve

  I COULDN’T SLEEP ON Christmas Eve. I needed to make sure that Kisho fell asleep, though, so I could set up his s
urprise. But first, sex. And then more sex.

  Finally, I heard his gentle sleep snuffles. I pulled on some clothes and tiptoed downstairs.

  Nic had already begun putting up the tree and stringing lights. He’d done a much better job than I was capable of. I’d have had all the lights on one side, not all even and perfect, like something off a Christmas card.

  I ran down to the basement and gathered up all my gifts to put under the tree, then I strung up decorations around the room.

  “You have no artistic taste.” Nic sighed. “That garland is so uneven. I’ll have to fix it. No, actually, I’ll leave it. It’s Christmas, after all. I guess everything doesn’t have to be perfect, so long as it’s done.”

  “Thanks, Nic.”

  I glanced over at him. He stood on a stepladder, arranging ornaments on the tree, and the force of his beauty hit me. Not the usual shot of lust, just an awareness that he wasn’t like other people. I’d gotten used to his looks, living in the same house and having to deal with his annoying personality, but he had an unearthly beauty. The twinkling of the Christmas lights lit up his face, and that just heightened his etherealness.

  I picked up one of the ornaments and handed it to him.

  “The tree looks amazing,” I said.

  “Do you think Kisho will like it?”

  His smile seemed almost natural. A rare thing for Nic, who only smiled for the impact it had on others.

  “He’ll love it. The Christmas thing isn’t that bad, really.”

  He pointed at another ornament in the box, and I handed it to him.

  “It’s kind of cool,” he said. “My DVD sales are up. People love buying them as gifts.”

  “Yeah, right, that’s all you care about. Admit it, Nic, you love doing this stuff. The Christmas surprises, the gift buying. It warms your cold vampire heart.”

  He grinned at me. “It is fun.”

  I grinned back. This would be a good Christmas, I was sure of it.

  “The first Christmas after my parents died, I thought if I wished hard enough, they’d come back. I mean, I was just a stupid kid, and that’s what everyone tells you. If you believe enough, your dreams come true. But that dream was never going to come true. And if it did, what would I get? Zombie parents?”

  “It made you mad?”

  “Oh, so mad. I wanted to punch Christmas in its stupid neck. I’d have gutted Santa and every one of his lame-ass reindeers.”

  Nic laughed. “I bet. You must’ve been one angry kid.”

  “It’s all lies. No matter how much you want something, even if you want it so deep that it seems like the only thing inside you, you can’t have it. I hated everyone, so I planned to run far, far away.”

  I handed him an especially fancy ornament. That wasn’t something he’d bought this year, and it wasn’t something he’d bought in a department store. That ornament looked old, and it definitely hadn’t been mass-produced. There was a story behind that ornament, but Nic reached down and snatched it out of my hand before I could ask him.

  “So, you ran away. They found you and forced you back to the orphanage, right?”

  “No. I ran. I got as far as the park. That’s the first time I met the old man. He was sitting in exactly the same place as he does now. He asked me to sit down beside him, and we got talking. He told me that my parents would never come back. He was the only one who was honest with me. He also told me that if I ran away, I’d never get any food and I’d have to sleep under a bridge on the rocky ground and rats would nibble my toes. Even the orphanage was better than that. Then he said that one day, I’d get a special gift to make up for all my troubles.”

  “Your sexual aura?”

  “Maybe, yeah.”

  I thought he’d meant that, but maybe not. Maybe he’d meant Kisho. Maybe he’d meant the entire pack. I’d talked enough about that kind of thing for a while.

  Instead, I picked through Nic’s pile of meticulously wrapped gifts, looking for one with my name on it.

  “I knew you’d do that, but there’s no gift for you.”

  I bit my lip. Bastard Nic. He could’ve gotten me something. I got him that awesome unicorn.

  “Your gift is carefully hidden,” he said. “Otherwise, you’d shake it to death.”

  I wanted to push him off that ladder.

  Finally, everything was done. We could sleep until the others woke up.

  But when I got back into bed, Kisho moved. He was going to get up, and if he went downstairs, the surprise would be ruined. There was only one way to prevent that. I pulled him to me, threw him back on the mattress and pulled my pajamas off.

  I kissed him as I ran my fingers down his body. I loved the half-asleep smell of Kisho. Buying him aftershave as a gift would’ve been a stupid mistake. Nothing smelled better than he did himself.

  Sex soon distracted him. Christmas sex – that was definitely a tradition I’d like to keep.

  The only trouble was that as soon as we were finished, he tried to get out of bed again.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “To get a glass of water.”

  Hell. That could not happen. I pulled him to me a second time and nibbled his neck. That always got him fired up. Second Christmas sex, also a tradition I could get behind.

  Surely, he’d fall asleep after this. I moved off him, and we were almost asleep when he tried to roll out of bed again.

  Even I had my limits.

  I wound my leg over him, holding him tight to me. I liked having my body entangled with his. Soon, we both fell asleep, totally exhausted.

  Chapter 11 Christmas

  I WANTED TO WAKE UP early the next morning, but I’d hardly had any sleep. Still, when Kisho stirred, I forced myself out of bed.

  “Are you making coffee?” I asked, a clever ploy to get him to go downstairs.

  “I can.”

  I followed him down to the kitchen. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he stopped.

  “Do you love it?” I asked.

  “Clem!” He threw his arms around me, hugging me so tight, I could barely breathe. “It’s perfect.”

  “Yeah, some of that was Nic’s work.”

  He ran around the living room, inspecting everything.

  “The tree is amazing. And the garlands and the cute little Santa. Look at this little Santa! Oh, I love Christmas.”

  The look on his face made me love Christmas, too.

  “We have mistletoe,” I said, making sure I stood underneath it.

  Kisho kissed me.

  “Enough of that,” Nic said. But he kissed me too.

  “Merry Christmas,” I said.

  “Coffee?” he replied.

  The three of us went into the kitchen.

  “Should we wake the others up?” Kisho asked. “Andre won’t wake until midnight, otherwise.”

  “Wait a while,” Nic said. “The three of us can have our coffee and maybe get dressed.”

  We’d just taken our coffee into the living room when Shelley and Luis appeared. They had bags filled with things that looked gift-wrapped.

  “Damn, we thought we could sneak down with these before anyone else woke, but it looks like the Christmas elves have already been here.”

  Nic turned on the Christmas lights so the tree twinkled.

  “Let’s do gift-giving now,” Kisho said. “Mine are all upstairs. I tried to sneak down last night, but Clem kept stopping me.”

  Darn. That was what he’d been doing! Oh, well, the sex had been good. No complaints about that.

  Then Jeb came out of his room.

  “Wow, I thought we were just doing a gift for Kisho, not all this. Merry Christmas.”

  “Go wake Andre up,” Nic told Kisho. “And, Clem, get the mince pies from the top cupboard.”

  Kisho ran upstairs. Andre appeared like a grumpy bear, but the whole pack was together.

  “Hey, Clem, are you standing under the mistletoe?” Andre asked. “Worth waking up for.”

  Sinc
e it was Christmas, I let him kiss me, but I stopped him before he got any tongue in.

  “The girls are coming over for lunch,” I told them.

  “Ah, that’s why Tabia acted suspicious when I asked her what she was doing for Christmas Day,” Jeb said, and grinned.

  “Let’s open presents now,” Kisho said. “I can’t wait.”

  “Let’s,” Shelley said. “Nic, you play Santa and hand them out. Kisho, you arrange our gifts under the tree first.”

  Nic sat next to the tree.

  “Wait. I need a photo of this,” Jeb said.

  He ran to get his camera.

  “Make it snappy!” I yelled after him. Then I turned to the others. “Snappy, get it? Because he’s taking photos.”

  “Clem.” Nic rolled his eyes. “Please don’t.”

  “I thought it was funny,” Kisho said.

  I pulled him down next to me on the sofa and put my arm around him. Jeb got back and took a few shots of Nic. I took some with my phone too.

  “The first present, at random, is for Clem Starr from me.”

  “Thanks, Nic.” I opened it and looked at the contents in horror. “You shouldn’t have.”

  “Oh, it’s nothing.”

  “No, I mean you really shouldn’t have. I keep telling you, I’m not your dress-up doll.” A bag of cosmetics sat nestled in wrapping paper on my lap. I hated Nic doing stuff like that.

  “But you look so pretty when you make an effort.”

  “I look pretty anyway, don’t I?” I asked Kisho.

  He nodded.

  “And, anyway, I don’t exist to look pretty.”

  Nic pouted. He really did look hurt that I didn’t love his present. He just didn’t seem to get it. I guessed looking pretty was so important to him that he didn’t comprehend that it didn’t matter to others.

  “I thought…”

  “I guess I’ll forgive you just this once. But, Nic, you have to stop.”

  “Can I make you over later?”

  Damn. It was Christmas, and I knew he loved doing that kind of thing. I might be a sucker for encouraging him, but I nodded.

  “I guess.”

  Nic grinned at me. Then he picked up another present. “To Shelley from Clem.”